I’ve been called a lot of things in my life.
- Snake in the grass
- There’s more…
I know I’ve been called positive things too. But they don’t stick the same way.
The other thing is, all of these things I’ve been called-every single one of them came from the mouths of men that were supposed to love me.
It’s a deep hole that has been dug by these words and the good ones said by these men, good friends and by me to myself throw a little bit of dirt into the bottom so that I’m closer to the top but the scars run so deep I can hardly see the top.
Now that husband and I have completely turned our emotions off for each other and try to function like a business arrangement I wonder what to do with my needs. Not that they were actually met by him when we were trying but now that I’m not expecting them from him at all I wonder what to do with yet another void. It’s a lonely place I’m in. I’m really doing my best to reach my goal-which is to eventually stand on top of the mountain of shit and proudly proclaim who I am, like me or not.
It holds on heavy.